She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
