sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize