Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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