Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
