The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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