I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
