why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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