farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
