a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
