I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
