I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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