i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
