Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
