i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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