I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
