hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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