dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
