My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
