Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
