I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
