Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
