Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
