You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
