At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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