Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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