Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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