Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
