Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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