you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
