She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize