I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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