What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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