im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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