Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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