bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
