If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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