I faked an abortion last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
