So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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