So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
