I hate all girls vehemently.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
