drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
