Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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