she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
