So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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