he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
