ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
