My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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