You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
