she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
