I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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