So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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