You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
