oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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