i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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