apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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