So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
