My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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