70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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