i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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