Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
