no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
