Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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