3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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