im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
