I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
