he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
